Today I want to write about human behaviour as a basis for human interaction and engagement. How we enagage with others has a huge bearing how we/they behave around them/us. Behaviour is a pattern of consistent voluntary or involuntary human actions that define who we are as a person. Who we are then determines how we relate with people and how they relate back with us.

When people say so and so is kind it means that person has shown signs of kindness from time to time that have become a definition of who they are and therefore are likely to be treated with same kind of kindness with which they treat others. Same applies to if one is considered honest, trustworthy, violent, a liar e.t.c. Whenever people treat you a certain way the first point of reckoning should be how you treat them both intentionally and unintentionally.

Whenever you notice a change in the behaviour of those with whom you relate i.e partner,family,relatives,workers,associates e.t.c the first point of reflection should be on your personal behaviour. Ask yourself if there’s anything you might have done to invoke this change. Eliminate your actions before looking at any other possible factors of behavioural changes in those you relate with. Truth is 98% of the times the answer is yes, their behaviour is just a reaction to your own behaviour/actions. This applies to all the thing we relate/engage with in our day to day lives.

Sir Isaac Newtons third law of motions states, for every action (force) in nature (life) there is an equal and opposite reaction. This means 98% of the times people’s reaction towards you is a direct reposne to your actions towards them and again all this can be voluntary or involuntary, intentional or unintentional.

Let me give you some examples to drive my message home. If you have this shop from which you borrow things and pay at the end of the month when you’ve gotten salary the day that pattern changes the shop owner will also start being hesitant about giving you things on credit. If you used to pay on the 28th of every month after getting your salary, if that pattern changes and you starting going into another month without clearing then the shop keeper will start revaluating their decision to offer you things on credit and rather than get frustrated or angry understand your the reason for this.

Another example will be in relationships. One of the most important relationship advise I ever received is, be who you are because putting up a show is not sustainable and when the show ends you’ll have yourself in a very hard/tricky place. Growing up we’d say don’t start what you won’t finish. When some one falls for your show theirs no gaurantee they’ll still like who you (really) are after the curtains have been drawn. If you are the kind that never went out, ofcourse your partner will start wondering when you start doing so, so often for example.

If you got them used to a morning call, the day you’ll stop doing that don’t get surprised they’re wondering what’s going on with you. If you got them to eating out every Sunday don’t be surprised when they start wondering what’s going on when that stops. If it’s been your routine from the start to come home before 6PM daily, don’t wonder why you got 100 missed calls and 20 sms when you don’t get back home before 9PM. Don’t be surprised if your own dog bites you the day you come back at 9PM if it was used to you coming back before 6PM.

If your the kind that always informed your partner about everything you were going to do before you did it, they’ll be wondering what’s going on with you when they start hearing about it after you’ve done it or through other people and instead of getting frustrated take time and reflect on your self. The reason they seem not to understand you is that small change in behaviour. So you can either go back to what it was before or allow them time to adapt to the new you (new reality) for lack of a better word.

So whenever you feel those around you have changed the first place you should look is within yourself. It’s uncomfortable because we never want to find ourselves at fault and looking into your self may just result into that but just do it if you still value the relationship you have with those around you. Right there lies the solution to mending a troubled relationship with your partner, friend, supplier, customer name it.

Jaluum Herberts Luwizza is a Speaker,Writer, Columnist with the C.E.O Magazine and Contributor with the Nile Post.He is also a Business Consultant with YOUNG TREP East Africa’s No.1 Business Management and Consultancy firm that helps people start and grow profitable businesses.
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